What If the Problem Isn’t You?

Imagine this: you’re sitting in a chair across from a big, blobby figure that seems to be made of shadows. It whispers doubts into your ear, fills your chest with tightness, and makes you feel like every choice you’ve made has been the wrong one. That shadowy figure doesn’t have a name yet, but it’s been following you around for a long time, shaping how you see yourself and the world. What if, instead of assuming the shadows are you, we gave them a name, a shape, and a seat across the room?

We call this “externalizing.” It’s the simple but powerful idea that the problem isn’t you—the problem is the problem. Maybe that shadowy figure represents anxiety, self-doubt, or anger. By naming it, we can start to separate it from you. For example, instead of saying, “I am anxious,” we might say, “Anxiety is trying to convince me I can’t handle this.” Do you feel the shift? Suddenly, the problem isn’t you—it’s something outside of you that we can work on together.

This shift can be life-changing. Picture a single mom who feels crushed by the belief that she’s failing her children. She decides to call her shadowy figure “The Voice of Not Enough.” With that name, she begins to see how “The Voice” tricks her into doubting her strengths and replaying her mistakes. By recognizing it as separate, she starts to fight back—quietly noting when “The Voice” shows up and choosing to focus instead on the love and care she gives her kids every day. The moment she sees it for what it is, she can start to push it out of the driver’s seat.

So, let’s ask a different question: What if that problem you’ve been carrying isn’t really you? What if it’s just a pushy guest in your life, one we can learn to name, talk back to, and shrink? If that idea feels like a breath of fresh air, therapy might be the key to showing you that you are more than the shadows whispering in your ear. The problem is the problem—not you.