What Is Spiritual Bypassing? Healing Beyond the Mask

As a mental health therapist who works with people of all faiths and spiritual paths, I often meet clients who are genuinely committed to their inner growth. They pray, meditate, journal, and attend spiritual gatherings—but still feel stuck. They can’t shake their anxiety. Their relationships feel disconnected. Old traumas keep resurfacing. And when we dig deeper, we often uncover a common culprit: spiritual bypassing.

What Is Spiritual Bypassing?

Coined by psychologist John Welwood in the 1980s, spiritual bypassing refers to using spiritual beliefs or practices to avoid facing painful emotions, unresolved wounds, or psychological work. It’s not intentional avoidance, usually. More often, it’s unconscious—an attempt to fast-track peace without walking through the messy, necessary process of healing. People who spiritually bypass may say things like:

• • “Everything happens for a reason,” while brushing over deep grief.

• • “It’s all love and light,” to avoid owning anger or hurt.

• • “God will take care of it,” instead of setting boundaries or making hard choices.

While these statements can be sincere expressions of faith or hope, when used to suppress emotional pain or bypass responsibility, they can cause more harm than good.

Examples of Spiritual Bypassing in Everyday Life

Let’s look at how this can show up:

• • Grief: A woman loses her father and immediately says, “He’s in a better place now,” without giving herself space to cry, miss him, or feel the weight of her loss.

• • Trauma: A man who experienced childhood abuse focuses entirely on positive affirmations, refusing to acknowledge the anger and fear that still live in his body.

• • Boundaries: A person in a toxic relationship is told to “forgive and forget” by their spiritual community, instead of being supported to protect their wellbeing and work through the pain.

In each case, spiritual ideas are being used as a shortcut around discomfort. But healing rarely works that way. True spiritual growth and mental wellness are deeply interconnected—and both require honesty, courage, and time.

Why It’s Harmful

Spiritual bypassing might look peaceful on the outside, but it can lead to:

• • Emotional repression: Unacknowledged emotions can become physical symptoms, mood disorders, or chronic stress.

• • Shallow relationships: Avoiding vulnerability makes it harder to build deep, authentic connections.

• • Delayed healing: Without addressing root issues, pain continues to echo beneath the surface.

How to Spot (and Stop) Spiritual Bypassing

Awareness is the first step. Here are some questions I encourage my clients to ask themselves:

• • Am I using spiritual language to avoid feeling uncomfortable emotions?

• • Do I feel like I’m “failing spiritually” when I struggle with anxiety, depression, or anger?

• • Have I been told (or told myself) to “just pray it away” without doing emotional work?

Here’s the truth: You can be spiritual and hurt. You can believe in healing and go to therapy. You can trust in a higher power and take responsibility for your mental health. Healing doesn’t mean getting rid of hard feelings—it means creating space for them, with compassion.

A Healthier Integration of Faith and Mental Health

Spirituality can absolutely be a source of strength in the healing journey. But it works best when it’s integrated, not used as an escape. Here are a few ways I help clients do that:

• • Faith + Feeling: Letting prayer, meditation, or scripture become a space to be fully honest with your emotions—not just a place to “feel better.”

• • Spiritual community + therapy: Seeking wisdom from both your faith tradition and mental health support, allowing them to complement one another.

• • Compassion + accountability: Learning to forgive yourself without avoiding responsibility or growth.

Final Thoughts

If you’ve found comfort in spiritual practices, hold onto that. But don’t be afraid to look under the surface. True healing often begins when we stop running from our pain—and start listening to it. You don’t have to choose between being spiritual and being human. The most courageous thing you can do might be to let both exist at once.